i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
