Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
