i would punch a child for taco bell
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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