Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
