Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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