How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
