so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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