I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
