I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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