sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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