words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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