This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
