maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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