Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
