The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
