i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
