do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he thought i was a dude.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
