so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
