Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Green mimosas i think yes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
