Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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