I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
