she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
