This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
