new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
