my room smells like sperm. sweet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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