I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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