i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
