you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
