i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
