Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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