I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
