found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
