i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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