Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
