It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
