I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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