i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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