I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
