my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
