just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
