Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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