i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
