I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
