And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
