I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i now understand why vodka
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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