I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
there is puke in my bra ... again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
