I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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