ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
