Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They took my balls.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
