hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
