she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We need to get me chipped asap
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
