I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
